i just shit on the floor of my room. my roommate was in the bathroom, my choices were limited.
well after this past weeked you can expect to see me on maury playing a little game called "who's the father"
He must be back home now. He moved his box of beer from her porch to ours.
Just saw my father's penis. Don't know what to say.
she reminds me of the first time i discovered masturbation. that's how you know it's true love.
She thinks I come over for the sex, but I really come for the snacks.
Balls are being tripped. Said meow to my cat and he said yeah cool dude.
My teacher just let our class out 30 minutes early, its a 50 minute class. He said the only thing we had to do was get fucked up tonight and have stories about it on Monday.
I was apparently the best non-Irish person at the party. I wore my skating dress, Austrian flag and a giant shamrock. Everyone is calling me "30 Shots Girl".
Being single is awesome because I can still drink a bottle of wine and hate myself, but I don't have to shave my legs!
It was the cape. I can't control myself when I wear a cape.
Just got a Lifeproof case for Christmas so hold on and tell me how my shower nudes look
Fun FACT Saturday: Semen is great for my acid reflux
I did crash a prom last night though.. It was fun
I'm going to go ahead and refrain from sexting you in an airport that is currently at a "level orange" security threat.
Randomize
