I'm pretty sure there's seven mailboxes in the bathtub...
Awesome morning. I just met my boyfriend's wife, should I have shaken her hand or was the hug a tad over the top?
She was about to go down when you guys iced me. Thanks bro
I've already come up with two plans that will probably end with me getting kicked out of here. You guys should come faster.
now that im off birth control, the world is a much scarier place
You call it a hangover, I call it a baby squirrel burrowing its way out of my head.
maybe these stereotypes wouldn't come up if you would stop taking body shots off another
A surprise thumb up the ass and I'm wide awake. She was right, no need for caffine pills I could fight ninjas now.
I tried to high-five the cop last night. he just looked at my raised hand and told me to go to bed.
Whatever it's Canadian jail, it's not like Guatemala or something. It'll be nice and cushy and they'll probably throw him a big bday party with all his friends and strippers
People were staring and acting all judgmental and offended... Like they've never seen anyone breastfeed in a liquor store.
I almost went home with him but then my hydroxycut fell out of my purse at the bar and I ran away
How could she say that about my foreskin when she hasn't even seen all the cool stuff I can do with it?
Nothing says "Hello, Adulthood!" quite like receiving a dick photo at 11AM from a guy you haven't heard from since fifth grade.
So, just how hungover are you?
Not at all, surprisingly.
That has to be your X-Men power.
Randomize
