I'm graduating. Then you'll never see me again.
We better fuck soon then
I woke up to her vacumming the grass
We started hooking up and a group of freshmen outside my window started chanting my name. Encouraging yet distracting
Do you know many girls there are in gay bars waiting for me to do coke off their tits? A lot.
My weekend will be all about the double d's, desert & debauchery
She said I was the most selfish person in bed she's ever been with and she's fucked Tucker Max.
It's just good to know that when I drink like a twenty year old I still act like one.
I want what they have, but in the meantime I have a whole bottle of rum to which I'm quite devoted
I asked the full emergency room who else was there because of homecoming and every single person raised their hand
somehow attending a funeral viewing turned into me snorting cocaine in the bathroom and drawing ninja turtles for children
Dad danced with a girl half his age and her boyfriend just sat at the bar and waited for dad to be done. I bought pity nachos.
the night literally screamed "cock and ball torture"
Just imagine a dick squawking like a parrot
i should probably stop doing things just because i think they’re funny. i’m not going to.
With each thrust he'd whisper "like a ninja." Should I be flattered or appalled?
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