go do what you do best...puke behind churches
he was going down on me when he saw the warts...nevertheless he told me he had to pick his sister up from school. why does this keep happening to me???
It was confusing and full of hummus
Girl in front of me has spent the class alternating between playing farmville and the tiffany's website looking at engagement rings. Every once in a while she holds her hand up to the screen.
She doesn't deserve the breathe the same air that we do.
She just bought a cow and we've moved on to looking at wedding dresses.
dude, never take two tylenol pm and smoke three bowls. i feel like i'm covered in cold ants.
This is much more drunk than i was intending for a wednesday
If I die I have 2 requests one a viking funeral prye and 2 I want you to take over my facebook and haunt the fuck out of everyone
She just called to say she can support a full bottle of vodka between "the girls" now. I'm going over, don't try and stop me.
we need to find an occasion to wear tutus
THE BIG GAY MAD HATTER IS HERE AND HE HAS DRUGS IN HIS PANTS FOR YOU. COME DOWNSTAIRS BITCHEZZZZ
The sign say "Kereoke" strip bar. 5 more beers and ill be ready to rumble.
A homeless man just asked me if I had seen any "nekkid chicks with heineken bottles run by"
Berkeley was the right choice
I woke up with $140 in twenties in my bra and have never been more puzzled.
I don't want to jinx anything but I may have found the one.
Cat or human?
Human
sober me is not impressed with the quality of people that drunk me gives our phone number to
Randomize
