Make me a promise>>> if you ever see the brats from that tv show NYC Prep walking around, you will trip them, and you wil throw drinks on them
Steve is enlightening me on how and why u put gerbils up your ass
Stop. You don't mean that. Tequila might mean that. But you don't mean that.
Man now I have poo on my blackberry!!!
brownberry?
Completly hung over at midnight, I knew there was a downside to drinking at 2pm
My parole officer gave me condoms and a Starbucks gift card ... happy holidays.
Most awkward car ride ever. Kid in the front seat was bawling, 2 in the backseat were ready to fight, and I was giving the last kid a handie. This needs to stop happening to us.
Who's nuvaring is under my pillow?
Oh hey. I left my beer there. Beer is more important than my pride. I want to pick that up.
I immediately retract my statement involving hylecopters being allowed to blow up sharks out of the water.... The idea if it is super incredible but ultimately it would be cruel and unessesary
im just going to make a prayer circle of top ramen packets and cheap beer
WEED IS MY SPIRIT ANIMAL
That one probably shouldn't have been in caps
That's good to know, because I will be doing terrible things to you. Terrible things, John, wicked, evil, maniacal things shall happen to you and I will have the audacity to call it sex
STILL COMPLETELY OKAY WITH THIS
He was eating me out on a picnic table on the frame lake trail and right after I came, a group of hikers walked around the corner. Stood up just in time
And this is one of the many reasons why you need a car.
His bedroom is the preferred destination of MILFs, cougars, recent divorcees and sexually frustrated wives
His penis is my hero
Randomize
