I thought it couldn't get worse until she said "Nipple hair"
You just kept taking about baking cornbread and doing your physics. Even drunk assed random you is a better student than me.
u know how some weekends you just wanna go out and ruin a relationship? this is one of those weekends
Omg he's telling my parents stories about him doing jaagerbombs ... Lord help me
So I am guessing last night was a success we are all accounted for and only 3 of us have hospital bracelets on
I hooked up with a 20 year old last night. I feel like a hocus pocus witch that sucked life from a child.
Just took a shot of tequila with a random guy at the supermarket. Happy cinco de fourth.
While we were driving she just screams from the backseat: MUMFORD AND SONS DROP THE BANJO and made what were meant to be banjo sound effects
I'm so high that I'm intently watching my neighbor move his car back and forth in order to put his motorcycle in the garage, and getting irritated that it seems so complicated.
DONT TALK SHIT ABOUT LUNCHABLES
Cheez-its and a bottle of cab...for under $10 you could win this girls heart
I haven't taken a solid shit in four weeks. Do you know what started four weeks ago? Alcohol and dining hall food. Fucking college.
You rubbed a frozen pizza in my face. The concerning part was that it was semi cooked from our body heat
we're spending all day in bed drinking spiked eggnog and fucking
We haven't had hot water in our dorm all weekend. Do you know if there is any other way to wash off shame?
Randomize
