and that's why we call him explosion in my pants. no one remembers his real name.
I totes stole your whore crown.
With great power comes great responsibility.
i'm really high, and this is sooooooooooo important. how many frosties does it take to fill a bathtub?
just got 3 freshman girls to makeout with each other at a toga party! score!
why is this not a picture message?!?!
You're the only chick there. That's not an orgy, that's called a gang bang...
there's a lady drinking out of a red cup in class. HAPPY FRIDAY
Kinda wish I banged him. I need the exercise.
I want to do something romantic. Like gargle champagne before I put your dick in my mouth.
Everyone is drunk but me. Fantastic. Everyone is hooking up but me. Awkward.
I had a pitcher of margaritas. Now I'm in a laundry room being a 5th wheel and crying. I made myself a bed out of a pool floatie. I win.
You guys bombarded us in the bathroom and that kid whipped his dick out and peed in the sink.
Oh yea... In other news I've decided to get an external hard drive and start getting music from all the guys I'm fucking... Do you think a terabyte would be enough storage space?
Jesus Christ I am the crazy cat lady of vibrators
So I'm getting really old. I feel asleep for a booty call that I initiated. The struggle is real.
Oh my fucking god that cat looks just like you after you accidentally took Ketamine
So help me God.... if he sends me a dick pic.... I will make it so he has to eat food through a tube in his nose and poop into a bag by his belly button
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