sometimes in life you just needs hand puppets
out of nowhere you said let us see your boobs, then proceeded to pull my shirt down.
i gets down
i took an adderall last night to write a paper. i ended up watching 7 hours of roseanne and couldn't look away
I'm on my fifth cocktail in twenty minutes. I don't think I will end this on two legs.
Medically speaking as your gynecologist and your girlfriend, that is not a rash.
And we're breaking up
Turns out floaties are a great thing after a couple bottles of vodka
I just want to make out with him forever
He said he remembers me...standing on a snowy roof, smoking a blunt, yelling "you're pretty fly for a white guy" at him. Sounds about right.
drunk me cartwheeled over a turtle sandbox & slit my foot open on a cinder block. how do you explain that to a doctor?
He passed away peacefully doing what he loved to do best. Eating a pound of vodka gummy worms and failing at sex and the city trivia.
It was a glorious ass. He has amazing hands. I want to fuck him until he can't do math anymore.
He asked the waiter, at 6:40 am, drunk, if they served alcohol. After he said no, he's like 'well, I guess we can eat then.'
..and by hang out i don't mean fucking then going back home i mean let's get something to eat & watch a movie and fuck sometime in between.
I opened the bathroom door and the starting point gaurd was eating out my art history professor
You started singing Baby Shark, screamed you have no idea how it goes, then somehow turned the beat into Bohemian Rhapsody
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