My mom was talking about how protein is essential to strong bones and then I told her, I'll give you protein.
How unfortunate for your Mom.
why is it that everytime a half black man enters something boring, it suddenly becomes sexy to people? golf? the presidency?
Thank you for leaving pool of vagina on my girlfriends carpet.
it's official, i know exactly what cross streets we're at by the bumps when i give him road head
That reminds me of that one time you handcuffed me to a table leg while I was reaching for the vodka.
I feel like the only phrases I can clearly speak while drunk consist of: i'm fucking drunk, chug, and shots
It's called "lets see how many European capitals we can do the walk of shame through in one year"
Hold on I'm doing something revolutionary that blossomed from a high idea
Celebrating landing my dream job by watching zombie movies and drinking free booze in the bath. I'm like 90% sure I just won life.
My whole sorority girl exterior is just a lie. I'm a fat tumblr girl on the inside.
this party is nice, but i have to go home and cry over anime in order to fill my daily quota of suffering
It's days like today that make me happy I'm not a porn star.
suburban family judging/laughing at us after Jenna just pulled two flasks out of her boot on the subway
im ready to get drunk and forget everything ive learned this semester
Can we skype so I'm not drinking alone?
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