There is a girl getting fingered on my left, a middle aged drink man smoking a bong and two girls flashing the cameras in front of me. I'm in the middle trying to maintain my innocence.
dude. i was so high. i watched shrek in russian.
Vodka + horseback riding = vomit in the saddle bags
His dick was poking my bladder. That big...
She told me to wait on the sofa while she freshened up. She's been in the bathroom for an hour. I have a bad feeling about this.
does it count as a threesome if she tried to blow the dude who was passed out next to us?
You know your in for a great weekend when you buy the booze already in crutches
do you have any idea how hard it is to keep a boner while another dude is writing on your dick in sharpie?
What did he say? I couldn't hear him over the sound of how awesome his beard is.
I wanna introduce you to my balls, Thunder and Lightning.
Dude, you punched me in the face bc I wasnt ordering your tbell fast enough. Then when you got it, you threw it out the window bc, and I quote, "OBAMACAREEEE!"
Came so hard when I was riding him that I actually bit some of his chest hair off. He said I was the first girl ever to do THAT.
I'm trying to get weird tonight. Like I want to see bitches crawling on all fours drinking milk from bowls and shit by 5 am. You down?
I know you just got bad medical news... But want some moonshine?
So woke up naked and found my clothes from last night in my kitchen with a half eaten quesadilla
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