If I could pick any std, I would pick genital herpes. Seriously. Have you seen the commercials? The lady is riding a fucking bike, swimming, and on a date. I have a perfectly fine vag and all I do is go to the library.
she let a homeless guy feel her up so she could go for a ride in his shopping cart
I think i lit a firework with a joint. happy birthday, america?
can you please explain how one drink turns into 5 street signs with their poles lying around my room
no you went to jail because you don't know how to whisper when offering a cop a blow job. I'm sure him having a chick partner didn't help.
We were debating whether you had hooked up with him. I was right for the record.
WHAT GOOD IS APPRECIATING IF NOBODY'S NAKED
Definitely got a blow job in Charles Schwab's bed last night.
I love my job.
Oh boy I hope we come out of this alive. And with clean prison records
The CEO is on this whole 'what do you do with your spare time?' kick. Umm... get drunk and have sex in bar parking lots.
I wish I may, I wish I might, get some daddy dick tonight
the cop found his r2d2 bong and asked me if i ever smoked out of him. i'm like, no sir. he's like ahh. if i were to smoke, it'd definitely be out of some star wars character.
easily made my night.
I have vodka, fruit gushers, and health insurance. Let's party.
I almost suffocated in that mask but she kept calling me Jeremy so I kept it on.
Don’t be alarmed my pee bowl is in your shower
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