there is cereal in my wallet where all the cash used to be.
Why is there a shirtless guy in Walgreens and why is he probably looking for the same thing I am?
My New Years Resolution is to come up with a new resolution monthly. January: decrease my shotgunning consumption speed to 7 seconds or less.
how do you feel about lunch break shots ?
Dipping doritos in ranch. Why doesn't he love me?
i tried to climb in the window in the limo because i wanted the driver to take me to get noodles. ive reached a new level of fat kid
I feel like I'm full of double a batteries and cocaine.
Yeah but then I feel like it's worth it like bro you just stabbed me the least you can do is get me a fuckin otter pop.
He should know he can't successfully wrestle in pudding fully clothed. Amateur.
I'm standing up, for my all my brothers and sisters, and fighting against whiskey dick.
I'm currently on a bowling date with my girlfriend and her boyfriend. It's pretty fun.
I don't fucking know. He perched his parrot on his dick. I left after that.
Pretty sure I got pink eye from the strip club. There is also still beer cans rattling around in my shower.
I lick assholes and I wouldn't eat mdma
there is definitely a hickey on my left nipple.
Randomize
