Xanax induced break ups are the best. Since I'm a professional fiancee, I'm going to break up with them on Xanax from now on. It didn't hurt one tiiiiiny bit.
i am only reminding you that showing off your fellatio skills on vegetables is probably not an appropriate party trick
no, i will not be your spotter when you masturbate with a noose around your neck
I love watching others lives come down to our level.
did you fuck him yet?
hahaha who do you think your talking to.. a nun?
I REALLY appreciate you guys taking care of me when im wasted but i think its weird when i wake up in different clothes than black out in
Fucked her within an inch of her life. Seriously. Don't choke bitches when they ask. Was way too drunk to be pulling that shit.
this is really not the time to pretend we have morals
We ended up sleeping in the emergency room for safety (you know, well lit, cameras..) and then an ambulance drove us to the train station around 4am. great last night in australia.
What is the current exchange rate for ramen to jello shots?
Before we fucked we both mutually agreed not to tweet about it.
We were fucking in the boat on the lake when another boat saw us and honked their appreciation.
He kept trying to make out with me but I was just trying to show him Shrek memes
He corrected my spelling during sexting.
If you wake up, and some of your hair is singed off, it probably has something to do with the lit cigarette you put in your hair. You said it could double as a bobby pin...?
Randomize
