I walked in on my roommate finishing watching something on his computer. There was cum all over his screen. He awkwardly said hi and pulled up his pants.
After 4 hours of foreplay he passed out and almost immediately peed in my bed. Naked. Like a fountain. Then tried to deny it in the morning by saying he just sweats a lot.
Your sister thinks she pees out of her clit. Did you have Sex Ed or Sunday School growing up?
There's trophy wives that arent even in the 5th grade yet
Hit a parked car with a "property of Jesus Christ" bumper sticker. Wrote out five hail mary's and left it on the windshield.
Well I'm glad to hear the fight wasnt over his small dick.
I think I left my camera at your house. It would be in both of our best interests if you don't go through the pics.
We stared down the barrel of pure insanity, took more and the electric elephant god rewarded our fearlessness by giving me golden skulls and naked women crawling out of the walls. I love acid
I need to puke. I need a shower. I need rehab. I need to detox and puke. I feel like demons are inside of me.
I remember it because it was right after the sadness and right before the sluttiness. The calm before the storm if you will
Update: the condoms are expired and Canadians are NOT to be trusted!
Come over so I can fuck you louder than her country music
Good, I've got all this booze. It's intimidating to be in the room alone with it..
From now on he's gonna have to shave first. It feels like I got eaten out by a chainsaw!
He passed out while I was riding him but stayed hard long enough for me to orgasm. He definitely earned the blow job I’m going to wake him up with in the morning!
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