We tried to play doctor all sexually then he was taking down my 'symptoms' I said I needed to puke he thought it was part of the game
how do you tell someone you stalk them in a non-creepy way
you don't.
He pulled his dick out during the Bourne Ultimatum, ruined it for me.
I'm just walking around Lowe's groping the carpets....
Favor? Can you not wear as much glitter on your face this time? Walking in the house looking like a disco ball was enough embarrassment for the week 😒
He is into some weird shit i walked in his room last night he was waving his hard dick around hitting shit yellin cock fight
I'll be there in spirit. Right there in your vagina.
Your headphones are on the door knob and I left you a burger on the door step.
I puked up my nose. THAT kind of night
I think pretend fucking a camel is a good thing to do downtown. They loved me.
Is it OK to disqualify a potential therapist if she lists 50 Shades of Gray as her favorite book? Or is that a good thing?
when I type Christina's, my phone's predictive text assumes my next word is boobage
Christ I forgot how flexible you need to be for a decent sext pic. Jesus.
You'd be proud. Took my birth control today at 12:30 with a Budweiser. Guy across the bar saw and held his bottle up to salute me 😂
Note to self: make sure the door is locked before the handcuffs go on.
Randomize
