I'm pretty sure I have jizz on the back of the dress I wore to church. Awesome.
the boobs are fake... i feel like i just found out santa isn't real.
you made pancakes with beer, you said they were good. then you threw up 15 minutes later
You should ask if we are margaritasing tomorrow. and yes i did just turn that into a verb
She stumbled in with some guy, woke me up, introduced him and said "This is my sister. She's a freshman. She probably hates you."
there is no excuse for him not showing up to my st. patrick's day party. i touch his dick. i get him on the high holidays.
handjobs have no place on a baseball diamond
Drunk me Does not appreciate a drunk, naked you kicking me off the couch at 3am. You have a bed here, you dick
I wasn't a groupie because I didn't carry his guitar home
He yearns for your heart.
He needs to stop being a pussy about it.
We had sex in the church bell tower and somehow it still feels right.
Only time and a comprehensive case study of all of your relationships will tell.
Her vagina is like the upper echelon of Scientology and I don't have enough money to get in
Unless your apology includes a 20 something with loose morals and a daddy complex, I'm am not interested
He lives in a tent in my ex'd backyard. Why the fuck would you want any of that dirty dick?
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