Ok Hollywood, I get it. Megan Fox is hot. Now she is in a movie where she is so hot that dudes just fucking die. Great.
Sometimes, when I pour the powdered creamer in my coffee I like to pretend it's Colombian grade cocaine.
That's the kind of morning coffee a girl could welcome the day with.
Then they all walked away with the drinks I bought them, and the fat one slapped me in the face. I left and my car had been towed. Worst night ever.
You tried to sled down the middle of the street. In. Your. Coat. Of course you are bruised.
You were high and telling me you felt like Pinocchio and that fire was bad for wood.
Just realized ive been sitting through all of lab with a condom in my bra.
yay hump day
Passed out on the bench in the men's bathroom. Feel much better now.
Oh my god. I'm not ready to be an adult. I'm not ready.
Idk, you were a drunk pirate that kept stealing pieces of people's costumes to keep as your booty.
That would explain all the random shit in my room...
Liz is crying about burritos again.
She said she forgot something.. and when she came out she was carrying a garden gnome, and a bottle of vodka. she was too hot to question it.
I solemnly swear I will not get your boyfriend puke in public drunk again
So far I've taken two naps, went out and bought a pizza called the Hipster, and in 15 min I'm gonna make a snow angel. Conquering Snowlandia. How bout you?
Blame the bisexuality and move on?
she broke the sink..i repeat the sink is off the wall. send help
Randomize
