Did u know that at any givin time there r 46,948,952 drunk people in the world? Were not alone
you puked in the cab and all over yourself and tried to convince the cabby it was there already when he got upset... then you puked again. not too convincing are you
he is so obsessed with the fact that he works at Apple
i know, its like he jerks off to steve jobs
what do 4 police cars, 1 ambulence, and 2 fire truycks have in common?.... My driveway
you wrote "5 million dollars" in the tip line for the pizza delivery man and insisted that he deserves it
Here's the thing. I'm really high and have lots of questions about lightning.
You bring the bicep workout. I'll bring the unscented gentle products. We'll both bring our penises.
I am too drunk to make real decisions. I had pop rocks all over my ass earlier. This is not a joke.
Now that we both have boys can we make up games that objectify them as sex toys?
I found him on the floor in the kitchen eating cheese and tomato. I mean a block of cheese and whole tomatoes, he was alternating. Thats why your cheese has teeth marks.
OH MY GOD THE LITTLE GIRL IS SITTING WITH US WHILE WE SMOKE. I'M NOT DOING THIS
Seriously I am not buying you condoms anymore. You're 22, if you aren't woman enough to buy them yourself then you don't deserve orgasms. Grow some tits.
Considering who their parents are, maybe you should use vodka for the baptism.
It's a lot harder to work after sex than it is to work drunk... just saying.
Why is this not the first time I’ve seen the mugshot of someone I’ve slept with
Randomize
