I've come to the conclusion that if I was an old man, I would perve around in short gym shorts for kicks.
i now have a sippy cup solely for the purpose of drinking alcohol out of...am i an alcoholic?
I just threw up in my hands while sitting on the toilet
She came to the party dressed as slutty elmo and then called me oscar the grouch for not wanting to bang her in the dumpster outside.
she is way to in-touch with her childhood
THIS IS THE EMERGENCY BOOZE SYSTEM. I AM EN ROUTE TO DEWITT WITH A FIFTH OF TEQUILA. THIS IS NOT A TEST
Top hats and gin. This is why I love day drinking.
Dear female. Happy valentines day. If you have not had the pleasure of making love to me, please do not fret, I will get around to it soon enough. If you indeed have made love to me, then bravo, wasn't that grand! Perhaps we should do it again? Regardless, have a good day. This has been a public service announcement. Rock on.
Some guy just rode an office chair down my street, I hope he comes back so I can give him my number.
its one thing to be single and another thing to be single and then have your profile picture be of you and the cat
your picture is with misty too!!
I AM SINGLE BY CHOICE
I think I just smoked a piece of your foot. Were u picking your feet by the weed?
I went over to help her build a porch, but we decided that was too much work, so we just got high and watched Scooby Doo
How much money would it take for the bouncer to get us beers while we wait in line to get in?
$450 apparently whoopwhoop
She had a glow in the dark pastie on her forehead the last time I saw her. That should help you find her.
I took a dab in Denver and was I. Rocky Mountain national park almost to Wyoming before I realized I missed my turn.
Also, what day were you thinkin we should trip balls at the children's museum?
Randomize
