For once I'm glad there wasn't morning sex. Yes, that sore from the night before.
Everyone was high fiveing on their a walks of shame home. God im gonna miss college life
how do you say "fuck me and leave bruises" in italian?
So I gave him a handjob and now we aren't friends anymore
You're at Notre Dame. What did you expect?
She thought someone was breaking in but when I said it was me she got even angrier and threw a coffee mug at my head.
Let's turn this shoulder dislocation into a positive. Come to the hospital, bring some beers, let's party.
This is to remind you the pizza is in the dishwasher birthday boy eat it before it goes on
Apparently I was holding on to a pizza crust for hours last night.
do you know how much drugs we can buy now that you got that raise at work
I took her to the bar and boom. All of my past slump busters were there. Shes cool enough to know what that means and said she was afraid they'd eat her so we left.
Idk. It's not appealing to me. Like don't get me wrong, I love ur dick A LOT but I don't want to stare at it on an iPhone screen
I tried to order champagne at IHOP last night
I'm about to order this penis-casting kit so text me within 5 mins if you're not down
EITHER I'M HIGH OR JUST REACHED A NEW LEVEL OF SINGLE FEMALE SADNESS BECAUSE THIS BROWNIE IS GIVING ME ORGASMS
She wanted to get out of there before you guys woke up so she wouldn't let me find my underwear. Lol So I apologize to whoever finds that in your room.
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