i woke up in his bed, he had my shirt on
and high school musical 3 was playing on his lap top
Hows this for an invention: a toilet that weighs your poop
I mean come on, he's the best quarterback in the state and doesn't even know how to put on condom
You kept whispering, no one does me like Jimmy Johns does me.
He told me to put on my big boy pants, then take them off and fuck her before he smacks me with a chair. His pep talks suck.
I'm driving up the street and can't tell if my ears are actually about to pop or not.
A solid 8.5 on the baked meter, I need to stop.
Like, I just want to be naked rolling around in soft things.
Watching her eat just hurts me
Im drinking ciroc out of an ice cream cone... my night is going fantastic
A man and his most likely hooker just bought us Taco Bell.
I'm holding onto the sink for dear life. Pretty sure if Iet go I'll turn into a shit propelled man rocket.
I think you're my mermaid sister. Separated at birth, by sea.
I just found out that there's a bar that has happy hour at 12 pm. It's like the universe doesn't want me to be sober
Officially not baby mama #3. Celebration is in order.
I woke up using a beer can as a pillow. successful party?
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