I'm drinking while I write this paper. When I can't see the screen anymore I'm gonna come out
i will be the first lesbian to ever fail women's studies.
every facebook tagged picture of yours, you are either drinking, swimming or drunk in water
Last night was the first night with all of the roommates, and what started as a calm night of light drinking got out of hand. There's a girl on my couch wearing only a fanny pack.
At least you have booty calls.
True. I just waste them though. I feel like I need to be told "there are people in this world who would give anything for just one and you have two." You know in that same tone your parents told you about the starving people in china
I don't wanna be gay for a night.
I think it would be worth it for free alcohol.
Took me 10 minutes of oral to finally get him hard for like 30 seconds of sex until he came and passed out. Def not worth the ROI.
Funny, 'cause his story is it went great. He faked passing out so he wouldn't have to do anything in return.
Nope. Flying out tonight. Staying with my great aunt who is an ex nun turned hostel owner. Best and likely most dangerous St. Patty's Day to commence in 10 hours. IRELAND!
Be safe. And I hate you.
I would recommend NOT getting ass enhancement shots.
why is there blood on my car? and are we still friends?
So I woke up alone in the hotel room clutching a bible to my chest. Explain, please.
When's the last time you had sex near some ducks?
I came home and my mom goes "why are you barefoot and where the hell are your shoes?" and I replied "I have French fries"
How do you say, "I love you, but i prefer sex with someone else." in a good way? Ponder that over a jack and coke and get back to me.
Well the good news of being walked in on, my mom says your tits are pretty. Then she added that hers were like that once. Fml
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