it seems that i get a boner from just about everything now
just turned my empty handle of passion fruit smirnoff into a fish bowl. I love college.
I woke up after 12 hours of being wildly intoxicated, got jizz on my face, and woke up in a different bed than I passed out in. My makeup is still perfect. I'm writing Revlon a thank you note.
He just became a fan of Chelsea Handler on Facebook. WHY DO I ALWAYS PICK THE GAY ONE
You're just mad at the fact that I want to be a car alarm.
So I drew a giant robot attacking a city on the chem test. My TA colored in the fire on the burning building
I can't believe I cried over a sausage mcmuffin.
Sorry 4 leaving u in the dumpster last night
HURRY. I NEED DRUNK. MORE DRUNK.
I mean, who doesn't have an ex involved with bath salts?
So now I'm lying here in bed taking notes from Teen Mom... I fucked up
I stole a tiki torch last night and just returned it. Things have been better.
Sunday morning breakfast with the boyfriends family. I just puked in the stall at Cracker Barrell. Classy.
Just stalked the girl I hooked up with last night's boyfriend. He seems nice, I approve.
He set the tone in the back of his car by blasting Marvin Gaye's sexual healing before railing me
Randomize
