I feel miserable, can't drink that much when I go out
We've been saying that since '98
I wish I had a dollar for every time I've slept off a late night I dont want to remember in my recliner.
He asked if it was my vagina. I told him it was my butt. Clearly I need to buy him a map of the female form.
You don't think I'm weird or immature right?
No I think it's cute we had sex on your Bob the Builder sheets
I just had to download an app to edit pictures on my new phone. The things I do for sexting...
You bit the bartender when he refused to poor rum in your purse and hand you a straw.
At least my fat-chick-ratio has not been that bad this semester ...
Euphemism? No, "pantsless vodka yoga" is a legitimate pastime of mine
There was a group of girls next to us. One was smiling at me. I only remember walking up and saying "oh you're Russian". Not sure where it went from there
I just smoked by myself in my childhood bedroom, how happy does it seem I am to be home for Christmas?
So besides your brother walking in on you shaving and singing "I'm gonna get asssss" how was your night
Other than trying to finger me on the couch in the middle of the bar a few times, you were fine.
Sorry this is taking so long. I'm looking for my dignity.
You literally asked him, “Do you come here often? Do you want to visit my vagina?” With no hesitation
He also sent me nipple clamps because romance is NOT dead
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