how do you clear previous safari searches on an iPhone? i asked my brother to google something for me and "big penis" "empire chinese food" and "reverse cowgirl" popped up.
i will soon be in a relationship on fb
you!?
me and your mom. i mean, lisa.
He cant even get with danielle. Thats like striking out in t-ball
I kept pulling the $1 bills off the stage and told everyone "no no no she has to work for this money"
woke up on the kitchen floor in the recovery position. at least drunk me remembered sober me's emt training
I'm sad your dog died... Her name is my stripper name.
I just contemplated drinking cheese dip. And by "contemplated," I mean "attempted and was forcibly stopped from."
On a not really funny at all but kinda brighter note I've gotten really good at texting in hand cuffs
Its mothers day, andI woke up with 12 bar stamps on my face, holding orange juice and a box of tampons. This can not be happening
i have my bailey's and coffee which lasts me until lunch, at which time its appropriate for me to bring a vodka and OJ mix for the afternoon. This university thing is grrreat
I need to thank someone for this kid's penis.
I should've left when he told me that he only smoked crack by accident once
My liver is going to reject life during Greek Week
How many liver transplants can a person have? Bc you may need a couple
do nipples grow back?
woke up, covered in gummy bears, with a note that said "the gummy army won"
Randomize
