i just realized i've been trying to levitate the potatoe chip out of her hand for the past ten minutes. i think i smoked to much.
i just want his dick, seriously i'm about to take trifiling lessons. we'll call my alter-ego blair and she will screw his brains out, girlfriend or not.
There's a girl in here wearing a kaballah bracelet and a miley Cyrus tshirt. consider her judged.
He wrote my name on his dick, took a picture and then said "this has your name written all over it!"
He's sobering up. It was really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together.
Homegirl just dropped a candle on the floor major party foul. Thought it make you feel better.
We were in the shower and he sat down an wouldn't do anything. I'm so glad he manscapes. It made washing his balls less awkward.
Come down. Bring Jorts. We're getting ready for this tricycle race like champions.
You disappeared for an hour and showed back up with handfuls of bratwursts and yelled at my girlfriend that if she didn't eat them, that the nazis win
Is it too early to start a donation jar for my 4th of july hospital bills?
Putting a positive pregnancy test next to my condoms in my drawer so I remember why I always need to use condoms
He's moaning and crying and coughing up something audibly liquid. I can't live in this house any more.
How does one take the "you're the best sex I've ever had but I'm marrying someone that's sub-par in the sack" mind fuck?
I pity the fool.
Thanks Mr T.
Just got a handjob in the hospital
A new low.
I don't know which is weirder: that she was old enough to have a live-in son close to my age, or that the woman he was with was close to hers
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