Got home from the bar at 4am. 100% sober, unlaid. Epic fail or responsible behavior?
Responsible fail?
Katie Perry lied, you can't just wake up and shake the glitter off your clothes.
Ok I won't set anything on fire if you wear pants all night. This is a bet we're both destined to lose.
I need to remember that good judgment goes out the window after the 7th shot and the 3rd Lady GaGa song.
the night got glorious when you tried to do an upside down keg stand with a near empty key and dropped it on your face
not much just sitting outside his bathroom door naked eating cheetoes. You?
My mom just walked in and she was like "Who ate all of the cheese?" and all I could think of was you trying to become a human taco
Ugh. I'm going to die alone, sister. Half-eaten by one of my thirty-seven cats and clutching a martini shaker
We did Irish Car Bombs out of butter trays, the influence of the retired community is astounding- I didn't know people even owned more than one butter tray.
Remember when I got punched in the face on NYE last year? I don't
I might have been the first person in 2015 to throw up on a yellow cab before climbing in it.
Crying in Target on a display sofa is normal, right? Asking for a friend.
I’m sorry I got high and yelled about the patriarchy.
i got kicked out of the casino for drunken disorderly conduct because i kept stumbling into old people and one of them told on me. as the boucer was taking down my information so i could no re-enter i ripped my id out of his hands while yelling fuck you.
Like Napoleon Dynamite?
Exactly like Napoleon Dynamite
But with bacon.
Randomize
