dude beer before liquor = i want to shoot myself in the face
i don't have fun when you have fun. i have embarrassment, fear, and significantly less cash in my wallet.
i have some very unhappy turtles in my backseat
He kept saying "this is a bad idea" wasn't in his vocabulary. He left at 2 came back at 6 eating frozen waffles and he had a symbol, a moped mirror, and a new MacBook. I'd say he had a good time
it was like, one of those nights where you keep going back to the fridge because you just can't get full. except, with sex.
I'm surprised I haven't crapped out a leprechaun, I'm so hungover
It took all the strength I had tto sit at my desk and not tear off my business attire and run screaming from adulthood and flourescent lights.
That's just weird. That doesn't make sense sexually at all. I mean, you might as well tape a pen to the tip and try and write your name while you're at it.
While I was sneeking out of her apartment, there was a giant cage with a parrot in it. I half expected it to squak "hit and run...hit and run."
It was just a Craigslist hook up but she wore sweats. Where are the girls with class?
You don't realize how cold it really is...I poured my bong out the second floor window and icicles hit the ground.
Only my second night back in town and I already have drunk middle aged women doing the robot around me in a circle.
returning from a 6am booty call in 2 feet of snow on a Tuesday is a bold new kind of low for me
I woke up at 5am on my couch, naked, with a cereal bowl of water next to me. Apprently, drunk me thought I was a kitten last night. Super impressed I slept next to the bowl all night and didn't spill a drop.
I walked outside and found some random guy passed out on our front porch. We managed to acquire the 12 pack of lagers he had so it's all good.
Randomize
