I just put my retainer in and it tastes like weed
Whats the opposite of morning wood? Whatever its called, everyone saw it when it fell out.
In a bar in glasgow talking to a 12 year old about life. Welcome to Kentucky.
it was really awkward, he kept trying to get on the bed with us and we kept having to kick him back on the floor.
my dad is going to jail this weekend
where are we going to get our weed from?
Dude, we're at Einstein's Bagels and the dude next to us is spreading cannabutter on his bagel.
Oh well shit happens. This is my not worried face. This is also my still decently drunk face.
he went up stairs with nothing on but calvin klein's and an eskimo hat, said hi to her dad, got a doughnut, and left like it was an everyday thing
if I open my eyes, my head will explode. that hungover.
Hooker in the library. I repeat, we have a hooker in the library. This is not a drill.
Ok so last thing I remember was hugging a cop while vomiting
I said that I'm avoiding parties and guys, and the freshman girl just laughed
Just got a snapchat from him that was a video of with the caption "my new apartment" in Brazil. I think we might not be seeing eachother anymore.
So I stole cocaine from one of my Tinder hookups
And that is the most millennial sentence I've ever said
just woke up to an abnormally swollen ankle (broken, perhaps?) and a shirtless man with the most beautiful abs I've ever seen sleeping on my floor.
is your ankle ok??
WHY IS HE ON THE FLOOR. SINCE WHEN DOES BLACKOUT ME ALSO COCKBLOCK ME
Randomize
