Using what I learned in my global terrorism class last semester to sneak booze onto my cruise. thanks college.
it's been a while because I don't count the hooker
He shaved off his eyebrows. This is not my life.
The beers last night were like the tears from god
mind if i send you a dick pic? so you can see what she wasn't doing right?
Two shots of gin says this is gonna be a sloppy lab write up.
On Wednesday I'm putting wine in a water bottle and crashing Margaret thatchers funeral
Hey, I'm probably about to be arrested but I didn't want to wake you. But it would be cool of you to get the $500.00 I have in the box I keep my "medicine" in and come bail me out. Also I figured you would be amused at the thought of me fending off brutal prison rape tonight.
I looked so sad that Jessica gave me a bar of soap. So that's where I'm at.
Fuck me first. Then we can craft and watch Terminator 2.
he told me that he only likes small dogs. I should have known he was going to end up being little bitch.
If you fuck up my birthday by dying I will kick your fucking corpse.
I had no plans to sleep with him, but he had to stay because of the snow. I always say, don't look a gift storm in the mouth.
is 250 jello shots considered an open container?
Omfg 7 hour sex session who am I?
PS: I think I'm in love
Ability to walk tomorrow tbd
Randomize
