I dont shave on purpose to keep myself from being slutastic!! it usually works
Spencer Pratt, I WILL beat the shit out of you someday, I Promise
He told me he could read braille... with his tongue. So I took him home. I don't think he was lying
...so how do you feel about living with a lesbian next year?
hhaha i just laughed out loud when i read that
is that a "i laughed because im fine with it" or "im a republican" ?
I should go buy the economy size box of condoms and sprinkle a path like rose petals to my bed... Think he'd get the hint?
i'm having taco bell mild sauce and tums for breakfast because i'm hungover and thats all i can find. it's like thanksgiving up in here
let's remember the whole point of NYE: to drink antisocial amounts of antisocial drinks, become incoherent, ruin a carpet, talk to a tree, wake up with head sellotaped to toilet. The where/how is superfluous, my vote goes to a cupboard and a bottle of jaeger Questions?
When he pulls out of you and farts and says ahh I wanted to do that for the past 30 mins ....you rethink the next drunken hook up
Be proud. All I did last night was roll around in my nun costume selling drugs. I love Halloween.
GUESS WHO GOT ABSOLUTELY WASTED LAST NIGHT AND SPENT AN HOUR RAMBLING ABOUT KRAFT DINNER, HOCKEY, AND THE LAST TEMPTATION OF CHRIST
You really could become the cat lady we've always dreamed of.
Not gonna lie I just got drunk and started doing applications because I know I'm going into work tomorrow still drunk
you asked how they got the microwave in the air. we had to explain three times that it was mounted there until you finally feel asleep
He set the tone in the back of his car by blasting Marvin Gaye's sexual healing before railing me
Your ex spoke highly of your penis and it’s skill. I’m interested in learning more about it ;-)
Randomize
