I gotta feeling the economic climate has killed the housewife market
there needs to be a build-a-bong store...
I'm at the bass pro shop. They have a river full of trout and turtles, a shooting range, a full bar, and the patriots cheerleaders are here. I now understand why people are rednecks. I may never leave
i don't think it's normal to still be missing spring break.
he let me duct tape his mouth because i said it was my fetish, i really just wanted him to shut up
So my birthday was awesome. Only remember 45 min of it but I woke up with a girl on the couch and a half bowl of ground beef
She gave us all a pep talk at the bus stop at 1 AM. It involved cupcakes and somehow ended with her making out with her best friend. God bless college.
He stopped in the middle of having sex to ask me what shampoo I use. Apparently my hair smelled good
I just spent an hour in the shower pretending I was a member of the b-52's. I can't go to work like this
Just went over my top ten highlight reel with that guy I'm fucking. It was like we were sports announcers. But about sex.
Awk moment when I forgot to tell my hookup about visitor parking so he got towed
He woke up wondering who broke in and rearranged all the furniture. He reviewed 11 hours of security footage before I told him he did it while whiskey-drunk.
Of fucking course I get my period on Valentine's Day...
i had to call him over, it was my last chance at getting some tonight
HE HAS A RESTRAINING ORDER AGAINST U!!!
it expires tomorrow
I woke up with your bra on, and some guys boxers. I'm in a random truck, in the middle of nowhere...
Randomize
