I think getting shot is the thing to do in Brooklyn
Spotted: jayne dropping her cigarettes in a puddle...then picking them back up and putting them in her pocket. If i ever get that desperate, stop talking to me
It's just like soggy cereal, but cancerous
At what point during this road trip should I let them know I've been drinking in the backseat the whole time and can't take my turn driving?
We convinced the Dj to let us play musical chairs...... I won by the way.
In my defense, last night's hookup turned out to be my actual girlfriend. That's gotta count for something, right?
Which one of you fuckers thought itd be funny to see if the kitchen table can float.
There is a 5-year old here fighting 'drunk monkeys'. He tried to knock a drink out of my hand with a plastic light saber...
But think about it. I could put her gold medal around my penis
Is it just me, or do you see your penis in that hand?
Mom just sent me an email. The subject line is "How to avoid a urinary tract infection"
LET IT GO MOM
He just pulled a Spanish chick using google translate!!!! We are at the bar and she speaks zero English. Hes a fucking magician!!!!!!
Bringing my cat to a booty call was not my finest hour
I aimed for bossy but it came out slutty
His dick is social distance approved
Social distance approved?
big enough for me to fuck from six feet away
She shit herself again. We're calling her the "Queen of Sharts".
Randomize
