I had a dream last night that we were eating cake at Mercy...hahaha. I'm furious I didn't see you.
Not everyone can get ass. Some people are good at building rockets. You’re good at sleeping with many men. It’s an art.
definition of desperate: He gave me his SC drivers license so i wouldn't forget to facebook him.
I just saw a 3 year old try to break out of a daycare by driving a big wheel at full speed into a metal gate. Today is going to be epic.
Either she got face surgery at midnight, or i need to stop drinking...
You would think that an uncircumcised man would understand how the hood of a clit works.
Guess which guy you've blown just made me sandwich at subway?
Things got outta hand once she told me to water-board her with Patron.
The face that yo gabba gabba comes up when I'm stoned and searching for yoga workouts is scary or dangerous
Apparently i asked the cab driver how much the ride was going to cost, (he said about $25) then i offered him 50 to let me drive the cab...
You really could become the cat lady we've always dreamed of.
And then you refused to pee in anything but a sink
He had all the grace of a fucking hippo and the emotional control of a five year old
A penis isn't a time share. I want to own not rent.
He's such a neat freak that he started making the bed while I was still laying on it naked. He succeed in case you were wondering.
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