Doug is wearing your sports bra fyi
I can't believe you let me try to pierce your nipple with a dart last night
I think "banned from Amtrak due to excessive projectile vomiting" would sum up the evening quite nicely.
It was my penance. God came down to me in the form of an angel and said, "you must atone for your sins, by puking in your mouth at church right before communion"
bad night - i tried for naughty librarian but could only manage to pull off pissed off barrista.
He puked in the voicemail. That's a true friend right there.
Good because ass is like 60% of my diet now
It's going to be so weird waking up tomorrow morning fully rested completely sober and not covered in piss or bruises.
I tried to pay my tab and go home but she wrote me a "list of things I'm good at" with fellatio as no 1...
I woke up today in my boxers hugging a log and realized that I think I've gotten close enough to nature. I really need to stop doing shrooms with you
I woke up and sent him a text that said 'I'm sorry forever'
Idk I'm drinking Sam Adams and wearing new balances so I'm basically a dad
Bitch are you kidding? 2016 is gonna be the year our pussies run for president
I managed to break 3 nails and loose my stockings, but I made 87 dollars at the strip club. I asked where I could find an application on the way out.
But I’m still curious to know... how did the homemade porno go?
Randomize
