I unwillingly was the ball between four hungry hippos last night. I thought the one chick was actually going to eat me
He's married, a coworker, and a smoker. not sure which personal rule broken i'm most ashamed of...
Horrible. I told her my girlfriend is in the hospital and she tried to give me a lapdance.
Who is he, asking me if im dtf without a question mark
...
I just faked an interview like I fake a fucking orgasm. Wonder if these candidates can tell I'm a tired and hungover recruiter?
I concluded last night that you have no tear ducts, heart, or sense of any feeling.
So another one of your girlfriends from middle school had a baby. Thank god you are gay, otherwise you would definitely be a dad by now.
Getting a vibrator would be like waving the white flag of surrender in this war against my vagina and its hormone army.
It's his sex noise. "I'm gonna cu-THE LORD IS MY SHEPARD AND I SHALL NOT WANT"
he signed me a blank check so today i get to decide if i want to be a saint or a millionaire
Btw any and all sexual fantasies or arousal I had about cops is null and void.
I have just found the cubicle of sustenance. And I will rejoice at all the families that have not found this magic. This vodka cubicle of magic.
Is it too early to get staydrunk at 1pm on Friday for Monday's St Patty's day
Fucking adderall I just talked at the security guard for 90 minutes
Coffee and girl scout cookies. Breakfast of champions.
Get fucked.
Randomize
