remember that time i ran away from the bar and passed out in a street cot?
neither do i
WHY DOES GOD HATE MY DICK
We are like the golden girls with less cheesecake and more drugs.
You left a skid on my bar stool!!!!
Oops! Sorry about getting stool on your stool!
$3 wine plus diet sprite does not make good champagne.
does taste better than andre tho
Of course she's mad at you. You Kanye Wested a picture of her catching snowflakes in her mouth. "imma let you finish but..." was the shaft and you put two of Kanye West's heads for the balls.
while we were having sex she stopped and said, "god is always watching". Then she started again with no other words said. We were fucked up.
I keep telling myself last night was not real, not real, not real. Then I remember I can't move. This hangover is too fucking real.
I think I just sold a snake to a stoned teenager.
She walks around topless and loves making sandwiches. That's how a one-night stand turned intoa relationship
she made me cum so hard I dislocated my jaw. I'm keeping her
So I paid Bumble $10 to see who liked my profile for a month. Cheap, easy dick. It's all about the economics, yo.
I just ate part of my sock, this has got to stop.
Pandora played an ad for a free trial for an abortion pill if you’ve had unprotected sex in the last 2-3 days and then Lucky came on... I literally am dying laughing
we found her on the beach half naked talking to a palm tree
Which half?
Randomize
