I woke up this morning and "The Wood" was on tv. Touche TBS, touche.
I just found out the guys at work had a bet as to who could sleep with me before i move away.
Who won?
All of them.
Is it 'vaginas' or 'vaginae?'. Either way there were a shit ton of them.
There's a girl in front of me with a see through white shirt on and her back says I suck bad dick. Fun night hun?
Getting drunk now, but later remind me to tell you how to crash an 8th grade grad party.
the "its better than getting an actual virus from an actual porn star" argument failed.
So..he has a girlfriend BUT she rarely writes on her wall and is only in 5 of his 371 tagged photos and her default pic is her with some other dude. It cant be serious
Oh my god you need to get off of facebook.
Chuck job is nothing more than to be my dick stand when I'm too drunk to hold it while pissing
I seriously need to grocery shop. I have a slice of cheese, and alcohol.
I think he might be using me for sex. I also think I might be ok with that.
My greatest accomplishment today was eating a box of Thai food the size of a toddler.
after stripping the bed and soaking it with the "pet spot remover" I have, I decided in the best interest of my mattress and our drunk friends bladders, i should invest in rubber sheets.
Irony: drinking your pre workout supplement out of the cup your Krispy Kreme doughnut holes came in.
Im sorry for telling you id rather jump into traffic than date you again. I didnt mean to be so rude
It's 3 am. Nothing I've tried can get the taste of failure and vomit out of my mouth.
Randomize
