i just spit dirty mouth water on my dentist. and apparently grinning sheepishly and saying "my b" doesn't make it better
I can only speak casual parseltoungue, im not bad though. just the general, "wheres the bathroom?" "open the chamber of secrets" that type of stuff
remember last night when you and I took turns yelling THIS IS HUGE in my dogs faces? I love wine night.
apparently breaking a beer bottle and then throwing up in a urinal is a terrible way to pick up girls.
cheating on your boyfriend is the best diet ever, I've barely eaten in days. The guilt is killing me
I have the slightest memory of swinging a bag full of condoms over my head...
Ways to ruin a one night stand: the guy finds your parenting magazine on your dorm room desk.
He woke up, yelled "RALLY!" and then puked in my glove compartment
I may have just poured a honey apple beer onto a dried apple slice to rehydrate it. This is my day.
I'm excited for you as you venture towards new drug experiences
First day in a very long time I've done more pushups than bong rips
He told me I had smoking hot areolas then he wins an executive of the year award. How does that even happen?
All I wanted was a good weekend full of booze, laughs, and maybe some penis. Instead, someone is in the hospital, I didn't sleep at all last night. And not because I got laid.
it was all good until mid make out when he announced 'i just came'. ...he wasn't joking.
The cure for a hangover evidently is not walking around in a costume in the sun towards of park of screaming children
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