i wish you could fill a pinata with booze
I'm watching the Australian Open. They need to slow the fuck down. It's hard enough to follow sober and now it's just pissing me off.
The man at the Honda dealership told me I smell like vodka and probably shouldn't be driving.
I don't care if the man pisses on teenage girls, he's enchanting.
hey quick question, what would you consider to be a "first date" porn?
If I don't come back from Italy with aids I did somethign wrong
so not only am i rooming with two chicks on the volleyball team, but we just put down the deposit on a hot tub. this is going to be the best summer ever for my dick.
I'm pretty sure when you walk down Broadway and can pick out people you've slept with.. It might be a problem. I'm leaving for rehab tomorrow.
Breakfast Clubbing as Juggalos. I can feel our IQs in freefall.
My dad used the quotation mark gesture with his hands when he asked how my "roommate" was doing.
That may be because I drunkenly sent him a pick of you two curled up together like kittens. Two very buff kittens.
hes like bread. how could bread be dangeous
I'm either a high functioning alcoholic or I'm making the most of the fact that this is the last year that its socially acceptable to be black-out drunk five days a week.
Yeah ok. We can maid of honor each other since you don't like my boobs enough to lesbian marry me
thank you for being so understanding of my weak stomach and poor self-control
Neighbor just came over and asked if I had anything to clean blood out of carpet... it's definitely time to move.
Randomize
