Fuck. sleeping in my sisters room again I heard zombie noises outside my window
..now you can marry chaz and be in cher's family..
yeah n i dont have to pretend to be into chicks to do it now...
walked into the kitchen nd asked my mom what smells like tuna she replies" your sister" now i cant eat tuna...EVER!!!
we saw you sitting at the door of the dorm trashed, wrapped in DANGER tape with a stolen balloon around your wrist
Nothing says Christmas like gin and tears.
I just got off a plane from Mexico. At least 15 passengers dashed to the bathroom throughout the flight. Can you tell its spring break?
No... We were arguing over whose family is more dysfunctional... Then my brother stumbled in and puked all over jakes ugly dog.
my cup is half full, half full of rum.
Bullshit. No way. If I brushed past your penis it was completely coincidental.
Don't worry, your car is safe with me. I am throwing watermelons out of it at mailboxes and hipster kids.
Selling our snow shovel to buy more beer. Not your brightest idea.
He walked up to anal ring toss like he was going to win you a teddy bear
Stoned stonnnnnnned on the raaaaange
I'd like to preapologize if you or your mom see me naked at some point this weekend.
Oh dear. Sending much love.
Just send a machete.
Randomize
