I am far too drunk to be making a tuna melt . There's blood EVERYWHERE.
You said I was the most beatiful preggers youve ever seen...im not pregnant
I just read the lonely terrorist on nwa had 40 more friends than me on facebook
From now on, just let me go home. I'm tired of hooking up with your roommates... Including you.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My cab driver has a hooker in the front seat. Really, this is serious. And weird.
I can't believe I had to sit there pretending to play Halo with a condom on for 20 Minutes because your brother barged in to tell a story.
I feel like I grabbed someones dick last night, & if I didn't I'll be disappointed in myself
Its not even real halloween yet. This extremely toxic yet briliant costume is going to kill me
When Pony by ginuwine plays I pretty much just grind on the nearest penis.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I threw up in a pringles can. how do you think my night went.
I was driving around a golf cart with a keg in the back before I got caught by the cops. First slow speed chase ever
Noo not in a booty call way, in a 'How are your abs and penis doing today?' sort of way.
Get here now. There’s a guy dressed as Captain Morgan handing out miniature bottles of Captain Morgan.
In a meeting I sneezed and my tooth hit the floor. I don't think anyone noticed. I would still like to die now.
I pointed at him and said “there goes mr fuckwad”
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