Tell her she's as useless as a condom.
FYI... At my funeral, it will be your job to throw yourself dramatically onto my casket.
I just saw Sharon Stone's cootch in high def. I think I'll stay gay.
I look like a sausage in jean shorts, you should have woken up earlier and approved my outfit.
They just both started mumbling "i cant go home like this" "it's all over my face" "do you have extra pants?"
throwing up turkey will be a nice break from throwing up ramen
Oh btw, my mom called... you made the police blotter in the newspaper. Don't worry, she's mailng me a copy so I can put in on the fridge.
Do you think the neighbors will know I was the one giving out the penis shaped lollipops to the children?
It sounds miserable..I have to wear a dress and it's a cash bar?
I just blocked a guy on grindr for having a little dick. See? I do have standards.
My vagina loves me do-dah do-dah my vagina loves me do-dah do-dah
I picture you throwing your vagina around in the same fashion that they pass out candy at a parade.
I just found out that order of 30 Beefy 5-Layers last weekend has achieved legendary status among the Taco Bell employees. Is there a Stoner Achievement for that?
spring break - time to see if my two week detoxing gave my liver a chance to recover.
I stole all of the toasting champagne and did an interpretive dance to "wind beneath my wings". I am literally everything you're not supposed to do at weddings.
But your showmanship is impeccable.
My dad just asked if I could bring snacks to jail this weekend. Like what does he think this is, some type of adult play date?
Randomize
