He's not gay. He just has bad gaydar and he gaydared himself and was wrong.
i wish i could just chop off my fat with a knife..i would rather endure that than work out
Im doing kagels to the beat of Christmas music... "Jingle Bells" is hard. Try it.
You seriously need to keep doing my sexting for me. I just said something about "riding cock like a dick rodeo"
I don't appreciate you drunk dressing passed-out me in spandex for bed
They invented the twister shot game. You put a shot on each circle, take it when you land on it, and if you fall, they funnel the mat and make you drink it. New best friends.
he signed me a blank check so today i get to decide if i want to be a saint or a millionaire
We got way too high so we're sitting in the parking lot of the movies trying to figure out what bar to go to
How much booze could a drunk brad chug when a drunk brad does chug booze?!?
All. The answer is always all
ugh I gave him morning sex and he doesn't even text me back for my bagel order
I never thought it would be so hard to find a power hour partner at 2 on a Wednesday
Oh god establish a safe word
I'm going to! Pineapple.
help. there is a guy in a bunny costume.
dude, next time you say lets go on an adventure, tell me if there are going to be psychotrophics involved before hand.
I can't be a daydrinker without you. It just doesn't work.
I love you too.
Randomize
