Whatever, she only has 293 friends, she cant afford to be defriending me..
I need to stop sleeping with republicans and cowboys fans.
I think "banned from Amtrak due to excessive projectile vomiting" would sum up the evening quite nicely.
well that explains the french fry and ketchup packet rolled into the wasitband of my sweats. thank you drunk me.
Dude, it's the frankincense and myrrh soap. Smelling like baby Jesus will get you laid.
He came for an unexpected visit and let's just say I shattered his illusion that girls don't watch porn
What is this nonsense on the table
Your idea.
I mean the hole taco that was chewed up and spit out
People were running around punching out the ceiling tiles Super Mario style.
I seriously just drove by a man walking down the street wearing hospital scrubs, an 80s track jacket, gold necklace and carrying a flute.
All I can think of is a mama duck followed by her baby ducks, in brightly colored track shoes.
How high are you?
I'm pretty sure that I drunkenly used the phrase "I just want his beard all over my body" way too many times last night.
I woke up this morning with a half eaten bagel and an empty pack of imitation crab meat in my bed. This is going to be my response to pick up lines now.
BABE I MISS YOU SO MUCH LIKE THE SADNESS OVERWHELMS BONER ABILITY
dude i told her that I loved her...and she said, " go fuck yourself"
Last night was fun but it wasn't right. I will say that our lives intersected for a brief and intense moment and we will just leave it there.
Randomize
