they pretty much knew i was there to get drunk and fuck their daughter
Breakfast=the leftover margarita in my car. Have a great day.
second attempt at shower sex: failed after the water turned orange bc of a fire up the street. this is just not meant to be
Oh wait looks like my cousin is getting deported THERE'S HOPE FOR THIS CHRISTMAS YET
you took the tequila shot and then procceded to eat the lime..we told you to spit it out but you just straight face kept chomping
Nothing says walk of shame like leather pants in daylight
I mean like, my liver will beg my brain for mercy. Brainll be like I'm Greg Jennings. Liverll be like I'm Darren Sharper. Brainll be like hold my diiiiick.
Yea dude. I'm gonna be the life of the party. THIS BITCH GETS DRUNK BY HERSELF
He told me he wants to eat me out all day while I lay in bed watching football. Seems like a solid foundation for a relationship to me.
I just got my beard fondled by a drunk chick outside the venue. I feel slightly violated. And I think her boyfriend wanted to fight me.
The only rule I'm making for myself tonight is to not drink out of the sink at the bar.
Fun fact: the guy I banged last night. His middle name on his birth certificate is "Windstorm."
Yep that's the face of someone whose dick I would put in my mouth without hesitation
You wanna come over?
Too high to be booty called. My cereal is growing hair.
His penis is the only thing worth pursuing but all the baggage attached isn't.
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