Don't know whats worst me sharding on her a bit or her believing me when i told her she did it...
Do you think Tom Brady went home tonight and changed his facebook status to "pink with lace"?
my summer class's final was canceled bc it interfered with the world cup. he is giving us all A's on it. I love europe
I'm gonna go drown myself in the shower. Make sure to cover me up before the paramedics arrive. I'm too fat to be seen naked right now.
I feel like I'm full of double a batteries and cocaine.
if you do the accent, i'll wear the eyepatch
Just smoked pot with a guy who has apparently been living in the woods for over a month. He just walked out of the woods. This is not real life.
I don't think I even want to know why you are sending my husband pictures of your nutsack.
all the one night stand stories i have end with me crying on my RA's floor stuffing cupcakes into my mouth
Don't judge me. It's a Monday night and I can eat burritos in while bathing in the kitchen sink if I want to.
Okay I'm ready to show you that my weiner still works
Too late, I'm convinced it's broken
Everything is bullshit and I hate everyone
ill give you some hints: blood, carnival, fog machine, happy meal.
If my vagina was a person it would have a bandage around its head and it's arm in a sling rn
So i've noticed that drunk me erases sent messages to hide them from sober me, because drunk me knows that sober me will be PISSED at drunk me.
Randomize
