I fucked **** last night, don't tell mike
this is mike. we're done.
It's like God shit irony all over that family
Note to self: never go down on a girl first thing in the morning…its like opening a grilled cheese sandwich
Something smells like weed and I think it might be my mascara. Come sniff my eyes
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just saw her take the entire bowl of lime wedges from the bar and pour them all in her purse, and now using the empty bowl as a hat. Waiting for security to come and throw her ass out.
He told him to "throw up in my mouth like I'm a baby bird."
Heres a quick tip! When getting black out head from your girlfriend dont come to and say "wait... wheres my girlfriend"
I can't relate, I like my boobs roaming free like a wild animal, and I occasionally let them devour small children
Can we just cry and dive into a couch-sized bag of sadness-chips, dip them in a la-z-boy sized jar of depression salsa while watching a show called 'Forget Your Hopes and Dreams, Just Kill Yourself'?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
so I was eating out this girl who was wearing my pirate hat In an alley behind the bar last night and some girl walks up and takes a picture. apparently we had a crowd of about 10 and it turned her on so she just didn't tell me
I thought I was bad, the girl next to me on the bench was feeding a bush a hamburger and introduced me. Only at lollapalooza.
You ask to touch his thighs ten times and called them magnificent.....need I say more
We kicked down a door together last night, pretty sure that qualifies us as best friends.
Alcohol and I aren't friends right now.
This pandemic, it’s making everyone horny. I’ve got dick stashed all over town
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