would you kill someone to have someone deliver pancakes to you when you were high?
totally got the gold medal for the best fence jump when the cops came.
Apparently I ran up to the group of cookie-cutter blonde chicks and screamed "Delta Gamma Nuuuuuuu!" really excitedly and tried to hug them and share fake sorority stories with them.
Just don't lie down.. Throwing up upwards is NOT cute the second time.
Dude just bought condoms some sad fuck next to me buying a pregnancy test he gave me a look like he'd pay me millions to switch places
I just realized this is gonna be the last time that I'm high in my childhood home. I'm kinda sad. I'm really high..
just heard this guy tell a story about how he got boat head. i want his life
i felt obligated to tell him happy birthday since we trashed his house and i fucked his friend in his basement
there's another hole in my ceiling...someone fell through the attic this time....
Sorry about sucking tonight. Drunk truck fucking is apparently not my strong point.
As I was throwing up blood I assured concerned onlookers that I had simply "eaten a lot of ketchup today"
Like an undercooked grilled cheese that got cold again. But hairy.
And there goes my desire for sandwiches. Forever.
Made him watch 4 hours of HGTV then told him I was too tired for sex.
Savage
Such a big mess for such a small penis
I woke up under the kitchen table. Andy is cursing out Joe Exotic's name in between heaves in the bathroom. Jay is trying to sleep w/ a shirt tied over his eyes. Lena and Brad braved the sun to go get bloody mary supplies and food. I'd say the Tiger King drinking game was a success.
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