i kinda do this "flirt with girls and pretend to be a hot white guy named chris" thing
just dropped my bong into 7 pieces, and carried the glass shards around my house. dad saw the blood dripping down my arms, and asked if i slit my wrists. way too high to laugh at this.
Is it physically possible to shit out my own bone marrow? Because if not, then I need to see a doctor immediately.
I told him I'd have sex with him for fried cheese. Does that make me a hooker or just fat?
She bit a glass in half.
No flamethrowers. That is a direct order.
she tried to handfeed me fritos while yelling "PENIS TRAIN"
Its okay, i dont mind you drinking, im just surrounded by it, there is some random dude laying on your couch with a bucket that ive never seen before
its just been over 12 hours, and i`m dying, don`t know how i`m supposed to survive the holidays sexless
I put his pb&j sandwich in my bra and never looked back
Would it be weird if I bought knee pads and shin guards to fuck in my car?
On another note I am sitting in my bed naked, buzzed, and working on a notecard for my 8:00am test tomorrow. I think I need to make better choices.
Starting this Monday as I always do
With a desperate plea for help
I'm excited for him and his new girlfriend. I'm just going to miss his penis is what I'm saying.
he drank half a bottle of bushmills, stood up to pee over the side, pissed his pants, sat in the puddle on the deck, told me my life goals were stupid and impossible, and wouldn't leave until 5am. by the time I got up at 8 I had 4 texts and 2 fb messages from him. AND HE STILL THINKS IT WENT WELL
Randomize
