Yours is on the dinner table...mine is in my underwear drawer.
my ultimate dream in life is to have sperm so powerful that it will rival that of jim bob duggar.
have you ever wondered what it would feel like to stick those coneheads in your vaj
omg every time its on
No, I'm never going to get a job bc I don't know anything about public relations except that Chris Crocker wants everyone to leave Britney alone.
Their house warming gift for us was a half case of keystone and getting the cops called..
apparently it was the return of drunk burrito sex.
Swallowing. Like you said. Lions. Always.
Saturday dinner is funfetti cake and merlot. Singlehood has come to this.
Dude the tree smoked with me. I planted the roach with it and smiled.
You can fuck me but I'm keeping my parka on.
btw telling the cab driver, that took you to your booty call that is now returning your wallet that you left in his cab, that you want to hug him is awkward
So I walked in on her and she had taped her fingers together and was crying and was whispering something about "how humbling it is being in constant glove mode"
Every time I download Tinder again, I hate myself a little more.
I knew it was all downhill from there when the straight vodka I was drinking tasted like water.
I couldn’t resist. He had a camouflage condom. You know I love a man in a uniform
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