i miss vodka and anonymity. college is so rich in both. in college we are a many armed creature, lubricated with beer and sex.
so the weed I found in my fridge is actually lettuce. tell jim I need that 5 bucks after all
You put a thong on my pumpkin didn't you.
there's a girl in the library on mysapce. she must have missed the memo.
if you ever come into my room screaming for me to set up rockband at 4:45 am ever again i will kill you
It's either jizz or frosting, and either way, someone's being held accountable.
I bought a fake diamond ring to wear, not only to bars to keep the creeps away, but so that I'll be judged less by the front desk girl at Planned Parenthood
I was throwing up in the shower. He was throwing up on me. It was a cute couple moment for us.
Theres a 75% chance I'm wearing a hocky mask and nothing else right now
Ps I am
I need to think of the best way to tell this boy he's not getting his pants back
Definitely a Xanax and Jell-O shots kinda day...except my Jell-O shots are really just a big bowl of a Jell-O shot that I use a spoon to eat.
Welcome to a new world. May the gods of weed smile upon you as you embark on exploring this new dimension.
Nah I've been there. The worst you'll see is some hobo peeing in a sewer at 3 am on a Saturday
ready for a night of bad decisions, horrible moral standards, and an unhealthy amount of illegal substances.
Promise me if ever I think I can't do anything, remind me that I waxed my own butthole
Randomize
