Just brushed my teeth...forgot we used this toothbrush in bed last night.
my iphone just auto-corrected drink to drnknghhhg...
i mean, we fucked on the futon in the garage where his band practices. pretty sure im now obligated to like his band on facebook.
Just threw up at the bar from the heat. Fun change of pace.
if theres anything i pride myself on, its my ability to look homeless.
Spending my graduation money on an abortion. Welcome to the real world.
She blew me in the back of the cab while eye of the tiger was on the radio. Top five all time automatically
Remember when we used to go to the bathroom to do drugs together? Now it's to help you with your spanx.
I feel like everyone in class can tell we had a threesome last weekend.
This Pinterest wedding planning is a good distraction. I'm great at this, my imaginary wedding is beautiful
Dude get here. I just re-invented nachos. For real though. They werent real before right now
Woke up in bushes at UT didn't know I was Austin last night
hey, just so we're clear, next time we go swimming drunk at my house, we have to use the floating chairs instead of my mattress. i'm not sure how to get it out of the pool.
I fished a Couples Masturbation DVD out of somebody’s trash and kept it. That’s how desperate I am.
We met behind our asshole boss's back with the intent to oust him from the company. If this revolution is a success, bring nachoes.
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