I basing my decision on whether or not to date someone on whether I could imagine having sex with them sober
lets put it this way..we'd win on tool academy
I want someone to please me without me having to show him steps 1 through 5
I hope he doesn't find the chex mix when he takes my shirt off.
advice for life: when the cop takes your tallboy, don't ask for your coozy back
The baby slept soo good last night. Its like he knows the importance of me being intoxicated all weekend.
what kind of wine goes with anal sex and shame?
Weird we were more concerned with sharing our germs than tag teaming the blow job?
May or may not have just put tequila in my special "kids+" orange juice fortified with vitamins a, b, c, d, e, and now t.
This time last year, you were undressing me from my gecko costume and getting freaky in a public bathroom. Tough to top that New Years Eve.
I woke up at 3am, top off, with campus security telling me to get dressed. Tonight was a GOOD NIGHT
i said cake fell into my bra, you stood up and yelled "Im coming soldier", leaped acrossed the couch and started motorboating my boobs. i would have been cool with it if your mom didnt keep calling me the "lesbiainizer"
people keep driving by and judging me for drinking natty outside in my underwear at 9 am. rude.
You chipped your front tooth on the toilet bowl. Should I call your dentist?
They have a shelf full of jello shots, what have i gotten myself into
Randomize
