a hangover this bad deserves a feeding tube
That taco smell coming from your belly button was a huge turnoff
do you know how scary it is to wake up in a CATSCAN machine after a night of drinking?
Just watched a UNI fan at the bar lick the tears off of a KU fans face.. See what march madness does to people
Pregaming class all semester has made this final review session more like my introduction to the topic.
His foreplay reminded me too much of breastfeeding.
The only way i can get arrested is public drunkenness or defacing a national monument. Trust me, i have already looked it up.
Pot head idea of the day: make a maraca out of weed seeds. Or a rain stick? Definitely rain stick.
He crawled over to me grabbed my boob asked me if I liked cats and then passed out. If that's really my RA, it's gonna be a long year
I just stood still on a stair at the train station expecting it to go down automatically like an escalator... Today's going to be a good day
Also, we found a geriatric Snoop Lion.
You showed up at my house at 4am with a bloody nose, one shoe and a bucket of chicken... I live no where near a place that sells chicken in a bucket..
Well that would explain the bones in my purse.
Tonight I learned to never try to impress your ex by dancing on the stripper pole while drunk. That’s how you end up in the ER
You shouted “im bobby labonte!” In the process of shoutgunning a beer. He said you were too redneck for him...
i solemnly vow to never stick my penis into crazy again
I give it a week.
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