Laying in bed naked with the guy I just fucked, talking to his WIFE who's sitting across from us like we're having a fucking tea party. This is interesting.
What's the name of that girl you hooked up with? The one that looks like the fire hose sign.
the cop then proceeds to point out the "proud parent of a dare graduate" bumper sticker and say well i guess it's time to take that off
I never had a problem I couldn't slut my way out of.
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You threw an open can of pop at me while I was lying on the floor babbling and drooling about how I need to be alone forever, me and my leaking face.
I just encountered the same creepy guy I showed you, he jumped inside the dumpster screaming.
The last thing I remember is crying and shaking my head as she was putting salt on my hand. I guess I took the shot
It's a whole movie about Joseph Gordon-Levitt watching porn and having sex... I NEED to own it..
You don't know true terror until you get stuck in a porta potty while frying your face off.
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Bought pregnancy tests in bulk off amazon. Kinda feel insulted that it asked if I wanted to subscribe for regular shipments.
There are condoms rolled onto each bunny ear of the ears I was wearing last night
Thx for last night. I've never had so much fun while being told my life decisions are questionable at best.
If my vagina was a person it would have a bandage around its head and it's arm in a sling rn
You came in yelling "I'm el scorcho" and then axe can flamethrowered my dresser. Awesomeness aside, you owe me a new dresser.
I think it's time for tequila and I to go our separate ways
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