OMg patrick swayze is the sexuest man he is killing me I'm gonna get dehydrated if I don't stop looking at him
Apparently I'm the guy that didn't get the memo that Afliction and wifebeaters were the proper attire for tonight... so I'll just sit here alone in my sweatervest and be judged.
when a girl feels in her heart, the way she feels in her vagina, anything is possible.
I just found out that the liquid capacity of my breasts is 700ml each. I should not be left alone at home when drunk.
she's crying while babbling "all i do is win"
Just so you know, I'm standing in my bra eating cereal. My keys were in the cereal box.
The only thing worse than being arrested is the fact the cop confiscated my green dinosaur costume.
I'm eating the rest of the Xmas shrooms and welcoming 2012 by communing with the pine cone.
Was almost hungover and got scared, skipped hungover, back to hammered. Fuck real life
she tied the funnel to the fucking ceiling...
I hoped the great care he put into rolling a blunt would translate to my vagina.
You can't talk like Dr. Evil to me five minutes after the greatest orgasm of my life.
low point of the night : a cop just busted out laughing at me.
Its because she suspects I'm a frequent drug user, which I am, but I am going to make her feel like she is crazy for believing it.
I just elbowed a roll of wrapping paper, and said “ohh sorry”. I’m still drunk.
Randomize
