Why do I always give away anal sex as birthday presents?
Shut up... one mans birthday cake is another mans sodomy my friend
Oh the joys of strong arming a man into exclusivity
Playing a game in life called "how far can I make a man travel for a booty call"
Status Uddate: I lost half a tooth and Alison is taking Amy Grant requests via bullhorn
We're at the hospital. She got a head rush and fell and now blood everywhere. Smoke the rest, just save her a bowl
Apparently getting dressed is an all-day activity.
I'd be careful with that one, she got 86'd from the family dollar while SOBER.
So the bitch asked me if I wanted the name brand or the generic contraceptive. Does it look like I want to be generically pregnant?
I've found my soulmate with the cardboard Dos Equis man.
I also told the bartender he probably had a beautiful spleen
Your dick is the only reason I have motivation to come back to school today
I woke up with leftover chocolate syrup on my nipples. WTF happened last night??
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
maybe you met your husband and you just don't know it yet
and other hilarious jokes you can tell yourself
She picked a quarter off the floor, kissed it "for luck" and won the $20,000 jackpot. She bought dinner and stayed sober to drive us home. This is a typical example of a visit with my sister.
Randomize
