I swear ... this hickey is a map to Amelia Earhart's whereabouts
apparently smacking a customer in the face with his iPhone was not part of the WOW factor we learned in training...
Just saw a maroon grand am stop on my street, the driver opened the door, vomited, and then drove away like nothing happened. Been there, done that.
She pointed at me and told her friend, I'm going to fuck him, its going to be really loud, so yes, i need the whole basement.
fuck. I just remembered I agreed to let you finger me last night for solely for "scientific purposes"
He just used my bikini trimmer to give himself a fumanchu. And I still plan on having sex with him tonight. This has to be what true love feels like.
im downtown. alone. lost. drunk. dressed as santa. dont find me. i just heard someone say mechanical bull.
Just thought to myself "I should practice shotgunning a beer before Wednesday." I don't think my GPA is going to like this semester.
All she kept whispering was put your pickle in my mouth. Then she fell out of her barstool and chipped her tooth
hot buttered vodka was not a success. on any level.
I let that bitch know in no uncertain terms I was taking the coke dealer in the breakup
I find it fascinating that she'd be more comfortable with her mom finding out she submits dirty disney confessions on tumblr than about her secret email account she uses to chat with dutch and brazilian strangers.
There is a dude riding on one of those standing wheel things inside forever 21. Calm down.
In my life time, I want nothing more than to get a blow job while watching Space Jam.
LACE UP YOUR GODDAMN SHOES
N O
Randomize
