my tampon string is in my asshole... do you think i can get it out without anyone noticing?
i'd get off the bar first.
On my list on ridiculous morning after bus rides home, still sopping wet and carrying a giant straw hat is definitely top five
she uses eco-friendly sex toys. she is the literal definition of a hippie.
He was singing Justin Beiber while we did it. I love secure Spanish men
took some adderal to make my alochol withdrawl less shitty. now im just concentrating on how badly i need a drink
Do not tell me that that is not the face of a man who has sex with goats.
Why would I take you home? That would eliminate the chances of you making bad decisions I could ridicule you about later.
I just want to lay in a bed of egg mcmuffins and cry
have you ever seen all dogs go to heaven this is important
Aw don't be embarrassed. It was all good fun! We've all been there. You can't come to vegas and NOT get a little alcohol poisoning. That's like going to church and not praying.
We have a lot of substance abuse to do tomorrow its sleep time
We took vodka shots. You kept saying it was the key to your heart.
Binging muscle relaxers because when ur 33 you can no longer SHAKE IT LIKE A POLAROID PICTURE for 2hrs w/o consequences. Fuck you, Age.
LIKE ALL I WANT TO CURE MY HANGOVER IS PORKROLL AND LIKE 85% OF THIS COUNTRY DOESN'T KNOW WHAT IT IS
Just walked into the supermarket puking into a plastic bag while wearing my favorite Bob Ross shirt. I am a human disaster.
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