I haven't gotten laid in forever. I'm obsessed. I imagine I this is how Ethopians feel about food.
Nothing says "I love you" like a full raw dog.
Best feeling in the world? holding your pee all day for a negative preggo test
We're so high we're finding things in the room to build a submarine with. So far we have two cardboard boxes, a piece of wood, puffy paint, and an empty bottle to use as a periscope.
It just hit me that I woke up to you in a bear suit. Explain.
I don't know what happened to get you in this mentality. This time last year your were ass up on a hotel bathroom counter getting licked by a stranger.
I'm standing in line at the liquor store and they're making popcorn.
And yes, in case u were wondering a 25 year old high school agriculture teacher did just hit on me At Walmart bc of my pinata
Best dream ever last night. You moved here. Your Spanish name meant highway. Your favorite food was styrofoam.
The cab driver gave me a church card yesterday and said I should reconnect with god.
Then he gave me 2 tickets to a movie he's going to be in
Making a mobile stripper pole for the back of my truck memorial weekend. Is where dignity goes to die
I just wanna be euthanized
Thas it
My chance to home wreck was right in front of me and I didn’t grab it by the balls
I boned my sugar daddy for the first time yesterday and now I know why they say guys in their 40s are the best. Also I’m getting a car.
If he isn’t into CosPlay he will be after tonight. That naughty nurse outfit heals broken hearts
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