I just hatefucked a Bush administration appointee. Now having celebratory mimosas.
i can't believe i brushed your teeth last night. so drunk.
He just yelled in the bar, "So I stuck it in two girls butts, why are you bringing that up now?"
He's yummy.
HE'S GAY. AND 40.
Irrelevant.
Just seen a lady with the back of her head shaved and the rest of her hair in a pony tail like a sumo wrestler with a 6 inch glass dolphin hair clip. Nothing is going to ruin my day.
THAT IS NOT SOMETHING YOU TELL SOMEBODY THE FIRST TIME YOU MEET THEM IN THE DARK.
I noticed a trail of vomit coming up the drive way. You must be home
You did it first. I was merely expressing my support for you, by pressing my testicles against a window.
Is it acceptable to cry on a Friday or am I supposed to drink to forget it?
Also, I've finally come to the point in the relationship when having sex with socks on is ok.
He showed me his sex playlist and it looked good, so I slept with him.
On a scale of 1 to 10 how good of an idea would it be to pregame at the airport right now
Ten
This is a hangover from hell. Delivered by the devil himself.
Throwing up in a storm drain... Not my finest moment.
But my shoes looked boss
If it makes you feel any better I almost got kicked out of the bar for yelling "enjoy your celebratory incest"
I love you.
Randomize
