A hot woman with candy. This is what heaven is filled with
he said I could live with him because I'm cheaper than a dog and don't need a pet deposit. That and I don't piss on the carpet...
Today might be the day that I legitimately throw up in my saxophone.
She came back in her actual cheerleader uniform. Made a bad bj tolerable.
It is a special kind of bonus when you find money you hid from yourself when you were drunk in the tampon box. What did we do last period?
You were a path of destruction, you started with eating half the cake, proceeded by throwing the rest in the sink and dumping water all over it while laughing... then throwing the drunk helmet across the room yelling that you didnt want to wear it... i'd say it was a successful birthday.
He seemed like a really nice guy. He tried to dry my shirt because someone spilled their drink on me. I think that's how I ended up topless on his dryer.
I BIT YOU IN THE DINING ROOM. I bit you and you crunched
Hey, the point is, I have 3 guys to fuck to get over the last one. It's my golden rule. You told me to find a hobby! It translated as "find another guy".
That is the opposite way I told you to find a hobby.
All I know is I woke up with his business card in my bra and in my handwriting on the back it says 8 inch.
i texted "amiibo vore" to my insurance agent instead of someone else. do you think they'll raise my rates out of disgust?
If we hadn't just agreed to no commitment, i'd totally propose right now. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
Someone signed my nipple.
Lunch?
Massage?
Spanking with handcuffs?
My Dachshund waddled into the room carrying a rolled-up pad in her mouth with period blood. This day is clearly off to a good start.
Randomize
