No, I'm talking to this Chinese girl. Can't understand a word she's saying, but i think i caught the word vagina a few times.
Some ambulance just rolled up to this bar and this girl just hops out of the back and walks inside
How does "I'm not drinking tonight" turn into body shots?
You just seemed really offended whenever my cup was empty.
Someone just told me I have an ass that could kill small children .... Don't know how to take that one
you had me at cake vodka
i've been lying on top of my bed for the past 20 minutes
i'm about to blow half an adderall though and try to rally
I woke up wearing a headband made of condoms. It was supposed to be a crown for the "prettiest fag hag" award I won last night. There is lube in my hair. I'm going back to sleep
There's like a dolphin trainer convention here or something. I will parlay this trip to Vegas into riding Shamu if its the last thing I do.
i don't know what body building stuff he's on, but his cum is basically a 5 hour energy shot.
my whole checking account just had a funeral down bourban street, paid for that, and then bought everyone 5 shots of fireball...
Like why am I even still facebook friends with a guy I let finger me at a concert?
I need something that says "I'm gay sometimes but I feel scorned by my straight, non-committal lover, so I'm here to get drunk and make out, and possibly end up in a bathroom with someone who's name I won't remember tomorrow"
Girl just left one of the apts upstairs carrying a giant bottle of kahlula and a lunchable.... I feel like we could be friends
the only fun thing to do here is drink beer and make mistakes. i feel like im in college again
Randomize
