How was your Memorial Day?
Don't remember... but I do have an American flag painted on my boob signed by a Staff Sargent... Oh God, I hope that's his military rank and not a nick name.
were you the shorter or taller girl out of you two
i'm really high, and this is sooooooooooo important. how many frosties does it take to fill a bathtub?
Just threw up in airport security. Happy holidays.
Well I'm just gonna sit here naked in this chair and whatever happens happens
What I'm trying to say is, that time you chained me to my dresser and made me beg for it was incredibly romantic.
Well, somebody (me) put on reindeer antlers, crawled around on the floor, and meowed at people... So yeah, I'd say it was "one of those nights"
I asked him if he wanted a pillow, and he replied "No. Batman never had pillows."
I mean I want to be happy but it's a train wreck that you can't look away from
You slapped my ass and yelled "HOOTY TOOTY WHAT A BOOTY" in a Schwarzenegger voice
just the thought of you slurpin down noodles really rustles my jimmy
you suck at sexting
OH GOOD GOD THE BUFFALO WING SAUCE IS BURNING MY FUCKING CUNT. WHY THE FUCK DID I AGREE TO SPICY AND NOT MILD
Guy just walked into the bathroom with only socks on and took a 5second shit. It is taking me longer to type this than for him to shit, wash hands, and leave the bathroom. WTF? Still wondering why he only had socks on.
I think every girl deserves a pregnancy scare. Because then it just feels like such a priviledge to be bleeding out of the vagina.
I legit just did a jig towards my box of tampons.
You'll probably laugh but I am currently in bed in the fetal position wrapped in only my ninja turtles towel. Save me.
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