planned parenthood is perfect for picking up chicks...they all put out
I gave her a mint afterward. It felt like giving turndown service at Hotel BJ.
I think I might.. possibly.. like a Justin Bieber song.
I think you might... possibly... have sprouted a vagina.
Ok love is a little strong. But he consented to Nachos, beer and board game date with my cats. Keeper.
Are you alive?
I googled "I don't want to vomit anymore," and "how to rip out your uvula," at 9 am this morning, but I'm still here. Uvula and all.
i ordered a pipe on amazon, and under recommended items, it gave me a top hat. it knows me better than my parents.
How much do you charge for your Funyun and beer delivery service?
Was there a condom involved? Because he was saying he wanted a kid. Repeatedly.
She got tired so now we're making anyone who has a stupid idea go into her bedroom so she can sleepslur "good idea" or "baaaad idea." We're calling her the queen of the misguided.
Is 1:30 too early for the bar?
Do you want my opinion or society's?
I want your company
If there was a card that said "I'm sorry for throwing up on your bathroom counter" I would send it to you.
Thank you for letting me get drunk enough to forget he was there tonight, but not drunk enough to make a complete fool of myself.
He texted his hospitalized grandma while inside me, so really a perfect gentleman.
I need to reevaluate my stance on weekday hangovers...
I’m literally naked drinking a beer and I gotta leave in 6 minutes for work lol
Randomize
