His facebook interests include 'unstrapping velcro'.
Also I feel like 60% of our relationship is based on sausage mcmuffins.
scarred for life. way too high and witnessed some chick give a dude head on the dance floor
Ive seen teh same guy pissing in the corner. Twice. Its eally weird. My frieds gonna do th funnel. Im so excited for her! Love, cori. Cuz its lik a diary.
Congratulations, you have helped solved the mysterious disapperance of Dani's phone which was found in the munchies cabinet next to the oreos. Your reward is star power as well as a fat ass bowl of Nebula. You may proceed through the wardrobe and into Narnia for your prize.
Like do you hear me I PUKED IN MY OWN HANDS AND HE STILL SAID I WAS GORGEOUS
That bottle of wine took a part of my soul with it.
They gave me patron and potatoes I couldn't say no
Must've forgot to hang up with her when I was telling Josh I plan to pop champagne if I nail her tonight. She showed up with a bottle and said "only if we can toast it with Josh"
Cleaning naked can be dangerous. Vacuum cord got stuck on my belly button ring...
She's walking to the bar while holding a fifth of fireball, talking on the phone and puking like its nothing out of the ordinary
I am now picking what guy I will hang out with based on how many Pokémon they live near.
I didn't know how to commemorate his death, so I snorted a fat line off of his obituary. Rest in peace.
well my apartment and my life are still a disaster but I did clean off my desk so that's gotta count for something...
Idk if you own a vibrator or anything but it's not smart to leave it in dad's car for him to find :/
Randomize
