just walked past a girl in her cap and gown puking her brains out beside a tree. her friends were taking pictures of her.
hey, sorry about all the butter. I thought it was gonna help.
at that time a 4 pound meatball stuffed with pizza rolls seemed more important than bailing you out of jail.... sorry.
I officially became the girl who let a guy get her off under the covers last night while her roommate and a friend were there. He was impressed by my ability to stay quiet and stay relatively focused on the conversation...
I am so ashamed of you, and yet so proud.
Like, actually questioning if you ate dog shit last night
I think that the jello shots in bowls is where it all went wrong.
We opted you as the sacrificial dick tonight. We need our patron cafe. Go make some moves.
Is adulthood just morning sex and then walking through the grocery store 20 min later looking for something to take to work for lunch?
...and then running into your dad at said grocery store...
He doesn't care. He wouldn't care if my vag grew arms and smacked him in the face.
The last thing I remember was paying off her younger brother not to judge me, then puking on his shoes.
My roommate just caught me cleaning a tostitos queso jar with my hand and eating it. He didn't judge. Bonding moment.
I will expect an hourly check text to confirm you are alive and that you aren't dead in a ditch somewhere with a hobo dry humping your corpse
He played Harry Potter Fan Fiction videos to get me in the mood. He might be the one.
yeah, I woke up with nacho cheese crusted all over my face and head...a lone jalapeno still stuck in my ear...you win this round drunk nachos....
I managed to convince her that the egg yolks were actually orange juice and she fell for it
Randomize
