She has an incinerator in her basement. Have you ever incinerated used condoms?
Lmao what?
It's a yes or no question.
I'm sorry i'm just too high to handle anything besides pirates of the caribbean right now.
It doesn't matter if he doesn't speak English because I speak the international language of blowies.
We left the window open. My vibrators funeral is at 2ish.....bring a side dish or some shit.
Just had a flash back. Pretty sure i ate toilet paper last night.
it's 10:36pm. Do you know where your penis should be?
So I met my girlfriends dad last night. Or should I say I re-met that mall cop that had to tackle me.
I text him "Dude. Tryna get fucked here. I only have half the parts. I need your help" I'm sure my mom would be super proud of the woman I have become.
Apparently being drunk on a southwest flight and yelling "TURNUP" during take off is looked down upon in this state.
I know now that the cab driver can get me a 10 dollar blow job. I'm practically a local.
LMAO I like how "don't worry I'll bring chasers" is your way of assuring things will be ok
My v day was great. There's a cum stain in the shape of a handprint on my sheets
Is it ok to bone a former patient who is also a client? Since it is two negatives does that cancel and become a positive?
Somehow I went from sitting in a car upside down to waking up in the grass surounded by paramedics. It was a great night.
I think I won an award for shitting and vomiting at the same time.
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