My friends, they love my intelligence
wow... just woke up to find out that the OJ we used in my bong last night was poured back into the carton
If lil wayne asked you to lick him like a lollipop I feel that you would willingly oblige.
Unfortunately I think I would lick most anyone's lollipop.
It's your form of community service; servicing the greater SDSU area.
Dude you just tried to have a one night stand with my ex girlfriend while we were trying to put you to bed upstairs.
but that still doesn't explain how i woke up on the couch down stairs.
My mom's mothers day present consisted of a card, chocolate and the rose bush I threw up in as I was getting in last night. She loved it.
Oh god. It's my first day here, I'm still drunk and somebody just drifted in a forklift. I'm going to die.
arguing about whether his trip to england or my trip on acid was better
They got their marriage license when they were at the courthouse for her arraignment.
I have 20 seconds to get my life together and look presentable.
I'm in a dress, surrounded by Republicans, and the bartender just told me he's "out of Jack Daniels" in a very accusatory tone. Shit, is it only 8 PM?
When you put the phrases "just out of shower" and "did you get the picture" that close together, a picture of hamburger helper is not exactly what I expected to pop up.
He just said "I know you want my cock" and I said nah. I want food bro
Can I pee and smoke my bong at the same time or is that like eating on the toilet
We put you in the box and you started to cry, that's how high you were.
He gave me a brownie at the beginning of class and now I can't feel my face.
Randomize
