I accidentally had phone sex last night
I was going to clean my house but wine sounded better
And hes hitting me with his balls, really hard.
she wouldn't stop crying, so we sang her to sleep. i'm guessing you will find her in the same position by the toilet in the morning. night.
is it bad that I didn't wash the cum out of my hair because it keeps my curls intact?
Me and my vagina aren't speaking at the moment.
Cancel that soberness update. I just almost fell down in the security line
You may or may not have poured bacon fat down her shirt
all im saying is that if he was a normal person, he would have fucked me by now.
I just realized I turned down a booty call too. To make cheesecake. God help us all
His penis is small and he doesnt like Harry Potter. HE HAS NO REDEEMING QUALITIES WHAT AM I EVEN DOING HERE
I just went into a strangers house to have a spoonful of sugar to cure my hiccups, wtf is wrong with me
After you passed out we took your car to the campus and stole a 150lb plaque that's now in your trunk. Happy birthday!
the cuervo was good, but I started with jello shots. and when i threw up a whole jello shot came out.
I wish people could trade lives with me for a day so they could see how much better my life is compared to theirs
Randomize
